Each month at our vestry meeting, one of us serves as chaplain and leads us in prayer and reflection. In October 2018, my reflection topic was Experiencing God's love in the midst of challenging times. I'm asking you to go there with me today, as I'm willing to bet you've experienced God's love during a challenging time, even if you didn't explicitly name it.
Recall for a moment a particularly painful time or experience you've had in your life. The death of a loved one. The end of a relationship. A sudden loss of employment. A dire medical diagnosis. I know that I don't like to revisit these painful times, maybe that's true for you too. The days we face right now are indeed painful, challenging, and confusing. I've come to believe there's something important here to examine – something new, unexpected, and beautiful that often emerges from these experiences- resurrection stories.
In October 2017, my father died after a long and difficult illness. My relationship with my father was complicated at times. Bearing witness to my father's homophobia as I was growing up made it difficult for me to come out. The realization that my father favored his friendships and profession over family was particularly painful, manifested at first in my parents' divorce, next magnified to me and my siblings during visiting hours at the funeral home after his death. A lingering doubt that I was fully loved by my father left me in a dark place.
So, where is the resurrection in this painful story – where does Jesus’ hope and love come in? It's in the little things, the bigger things, and the huge things.
Little things: It's in the kindness of a stranger: Ginny Schlemmer from Dave's Towing in Smithfield, RI. Dad's car, a leased Toyota, had been sitting idle in his apartment complex parking lot for over a year while he steadily declined. The funeral home and Ginny arranged to return Dad's leased car to the Toyota dealership and refused payment from the family.
Bigger Things: It's in the love of this parish: Sarah Twiss's insistence on creating Dad's funeral service bulletin, an offer that came in just as I was realizing how overwhelmed I was in the details of creating his funeral. Miriam's calendar being open (or arranged to be made open) so that she could make the long drive to RI (with Sarah) and preside at Dad's funeral service when I learned that the local Episcopal priest was unavailable.
Huge Things: In the time since my father's death the doubt about his love for me has been replaced with blessed assurance that he loved me fully. It came in a very unexpected conversation with him. Do any of you have conversations with those no longer with us? It's a relatively new concept for me. Here's the situation: I was upset about something at work, a personal “injustice” that had me reconsidering my commitment to my employer. In relating some of the details of the situation during a telephone conversation with a colleague, his response was along the lines of “be thankful for what you have, don't rock the boat”. Needless to say, it was not a particularly satisfying interaction. Later that week, I was in the shower and subconsciously relating the experience to my Dad. In a loud clear voice, I could hear him saying “Screw them, you deserve better than this”. The light shined, and God was laughing with Dad. So many things came into focus, and all of the doubts were replaced with a sense of peace. How I could have ever expected to see new life in my relationship with my father after his death– well, that's a resurrection story that I'll cling to forever.
Lord, let us strive to see new life in everything that surrounds us: in the little things, the bigger things, and the huge things.
Amen
